Chapter 2: Who are You! Why did You Strip Me!
Quality Check: Kai
First published on Ainushi.
“Who are you! Why did you strip me!”
Wh- what? Ji-On became slack-jawed from the amazing amount of absurdity she felt. Who stripped who? Who was the one that fell asleep without any clothes here, in her house, and in her bed?!
“Woman, you’re a pervert, aren’t you?!”
There had never been a moment as preposterous and unjust as this.
“Wh- who did you say was the pervert? Not you, but me?”
“Did you perhaps… do anything to me?”
It was so absurd that she almost dislocated her jaw.
“Does that make sense?”
“Why wouldn’t it! You’re clothed and I’m naked!”
Ji-On looked back and forth between the man and herself. He spoke the facts, but that wasn’t enough.
“This is my house and my bed!”
“What the heck? Where is this place? Why did you bring me here?!”
The man crossed his arms in an attempt to cover his torso as he looked at his surroundings. Is he trying to cosplay as a victim right now?
“So you’re saying a weak female like me dragged a strong man like you here?”
“Weak? You look extremely sturdy.”
Wh- what? This person is infuriating! However… after looking around, the dog from yesterday, Dae-Shik, was missing.
“Hey, you. What did you do with the puppy? The puppy from yesterday!”
“How should I know! I just woke up.”
Did this man harm Dae-Shik? Ji-On roared,
“Who are you! What are you!”
Dognapper, pervert, burglar? What type of crazy man was he?
“Wait, I’m… uh, I’m… Who am I?”
“Why are you asking me that?”
How could I know when you don’t know yourself? Perverted bastard!
“Ugh, just stay still.”
He dazedly looked down at his hands. That action made the blanket covering him start to slip off.
“Ahh! My eyes are rotting! Cover yourself properly!”
“Shut up! I really can’t remember. Really… who was I?”
He frustratedly rubbed his hair like it would help him remember. That expression, I’ve worn it many times too. That’s what I look like on days after memoryless, drunken nights!
“Geez, hey bastard¹, who are you trying to scam?”
“Wait, bastard?” What’s this? Why doesn’t it feel like a cuss word?”
Hul2, he was a psycho, not a pervert? Is he the type that thinks ‘ah, I found my self-identity’ and feels relief when hearing someone call him a bastard? The best method for guys like this is to report it instantly instead of interacting.
“You’re dead. I’m calling the police.”
“Wait, isn’t the man usually at a disadvantage in this type of situation?”
It seemed that he still had stereotypes even though he didn’t remember anything.
“Um, you know I don’t remember anything right now? How about we not make a fuss and talk things out?”
He took a step closer to the bed to calm her down.
“Don’t come any closer!”
No mercy for trying to stop her from reporting. The moment Ji-On quickly dialed 112 and pressed call…! Chomp! The flustered man without any thought suddenly bit Ji-On’s wrist. He didn’t bite hard, but the startled Ji-On dropped the phone. What was this ridiculous act?
“Ack! What human bites a hand?”
It seemed that the man was more surprised by his action.
“Aack! What’s wrong with me?”
How did a person who looked like a sane, walking Greek god statue go crazy so poorly? Why is he biting people when he doesn’t even have rabies? Suddenly…
‘Thump, thump, thump’
The sound of someone knocking on the door made Ji-On’s heart freeze.
“Young lady, what’s wrong? I think I heard a scream?”
It was the landlady. She had come out after Ji-On had screamed for the whole neighborhood to hear. Ji-On’s body turned as stiff as the Ice Terminator.
‘Bang, bang, bang’
It wasn’t like a serial killer was standing at the door, but this situation felt scarier than a horror movie for Ji-On.
“Open the door, young lady!”
No, I can’t let her find out!
“Excuse me? Hide, please.”
“Whether you’re a dognapper or burglar, a male can never be in this house. I’ll get kicked out.”
The landlady repeatedly told Ji-On no dogs and men in exchange for lowering the rent. She had become a trusty rentee with no problems up to now. But if Ji-On was caught with a completely nude man? The landlady would probably chase her out saying she was a bad influence to Sol. Then rumors would spread throughout the neighborhood. No! I must never get caught!
“Young lady, why aren’t you answering me? Did you fall and faint? I’m going to bring the key and come in.”
Huu, that is a bloodcurdling sentence.
As there was no reply, the lady really brought the key and started to unlock the door. Really, it felt like her heart was shrinking and all the blood in her body had evaporated.
Ji-On tried to stuff the man into the bathroom…Oh no! A situation that must never happen occurred. The two people slipped on the blanket.
중심을 잃고 발라당 넘어지는 와중에도 그 남자의 얼굴이 내게 가까워져 오는 게 슬로우모션으로 천천히 보였다. 이 각도는? 이 자세는? 지금 그 무엇보다도 지양해야 할 포즈가 아닌가! 허나, 순식간에 일은 벌어지고 말았다.
As they lost balance and started falling, Ji-On saw the man’s face getting closer in slow motion. This angle? This pose? This was the pose that needed to be avoided more than anything right now! However, in the blink of an eye, an accident happened.
As the man fell on top of Ji-On, their lips came into contact. It was a split second, but her consciousness became distant. The perfectly sculpted face is right above me. She didn’t want to feel it, but his lips were unusually plump. Her lips felt scorched. An unknown heat starting from her center spread all over her body. She unknowingly squeezed her eyes closed.
Right then, the door opened. It felt like her heart was shot by a taser.
If someone saw, they would think that her and her naked lover were laying on the ground and affectionately kissing. And very actively, at that. There was no way to escape. Am I getting kicked out now? Goodbye to this room that was at least a little cheaper than market price.
“Young lady, what happened!”
The landlady’s voice was colder than a midwinter’s wind. Ji-on wished that she could just faint.
“You see, landlady.”
With a wretched face, Ji-On picked herself up to sit and hung her head.
“First off, you happened to witness a very misleading scene that could have seemed real. Don’t misunderstand though.”
However, how could anyone not misunderstand the situation? The landlady’s voice rang throughout the small studio like Hell’s judge.
“You really can’t act like this in this house!”
The situation was so bad. How should I fix it? However, the landlady said something unexpected.
“I told you that you can’t have dogs in the house.”
Dog? What does she mean? Ji-On raised her head up and searched her surroundings.
How did this happen! The naked man who took advantage of her had disappeared and the dog she brought back yesterday was jumping up and down in front of her. What was this? The handsome pervert who just attacked my lips…where did he go? Although nonsensical things occurred in a series starting from yesterday, this situation topped it all. How did the pervert disappear and the puppy appear?
While Ji-On was still trying to understand the situation, Dae-Shik was barking relatively fiercely.
“See here, if it barks like this, how is my Sol going to study!”
“Shh, Dae-Shik! Be quiet!”
Ji-On quickly grabbed Dae-Shik and shut his muzzle.
“I’m sorry. This puppy suddenly got in a car accident nearby here. I think he’s going to have to stay here until I find his owner…”
“What are you saying! Absolutely not!”
Of course, the reply was a solid rejection.
“I’m already annoyed because Sol’s grades fell, if she can’t study because of her allergies, I won’t be able to sleep from anger.”
The venom-filled landlady’s eyes became even more vicious.
“I won’t let him out into the yard. He’ll just be in my house.”
“What are you going to do if he ruins the wallpaper or linoleum?”
“That won’t happen. He is a very mild-tempered puppy. He won’t ever do that.”
‘Arf, arf, arf’
Ji-on grabbed and shut the puppy’s mouth again as it started barking louder.
“Landlady. You have to be more kind-hearted at times like this for good things to happen. What are you going to do if we throw out this homeless puppy and it becomes a grudge-filled dog ghost that bothers Sol? Then our Sol won’t be able to study.”
That was completely baseless…
“What? That can happen?”
Ji-On caught the lady’s eyes slightly shifting.
“Of course. All the sons of the dog stew restaurants from my childhood neighborhood couldn’t go to college.”
“They weren’t able to go to college?”
The landlady’s eyes started visibly shaking. Surprisingly, the lady believed in those types of superstitions.
“Mm, it’d be great to see Sol succeed.”
Ji-On went in for the final blow. Everything revolved around Sol for the landlady.
“Ahem, then I’ll give you a week.”
Finally, she gave conditional permission.
“You must find the owner by then! I won’t allow any longer than that!”
“Yes, thank you!”
“Don’t you dare release him in the yard!”
Ji-On bowed to the lady and checked to make sure the landlady properly left.
“Ahew, that was so frightening!”
As she breathed a sigh of relief, her gaze sharply changed and she became like a private investigator.
“Where did that bastard go?”
How did that person who fell on top of me just disappear like a ghost? Exactly what happened? However, no matter how thoroughly she checked from the bathroom to the cupboard in the kitchen, there was no trace of the pervert.
“Dae-Shik. Did you see him? The crazy perverted bastard?”
There was no way for the bouncing Dae-shik, who couldn’t speak, to tell her where he went. Huu, there were so many unexplainable events starting from yesterday. Did I really get cursed by a ghost?
“First, let’s report that bastard.”
Wait, if the police come, won’t the landlady ask too many questions? While she was still struggling over whether to call the police,
Dae-Shik ran to her and bit her wrist. Thus, the phone fell to the ground once again. Huk? What is this situation? Is this deja vu? By any chance…maybe?
“Are you that pervert?”
When that man appeared, Dae-Shik wasn’t there and when Dae-Shik was here, that man was gone. I closed my eyes before…so could it be that I missed seeing the handsome pervert turn into Dae-Shik?
“No, right? It can’t be. My imagination seems to be running wild today.”
Ji-On shook her head as she pulled Dae-Shik into her arms.
“Speak. Are you perhaps that crazy bastard?”
The reply was really dog’s talk³. Am I going crazy for hearing this bark as an affirmative reply?
“No way. It doesn’t make sense. Human turning into dog, dog turning into human, are you a werewolf or something? Are you the Frog Prince?”
This adorable snow white Pomeranian was that pervert? If so, then everything would make sense.It would explain why the man was naked, why he had a victimized expression and why he suddenly bit my wrist. My unruly imagination is becoming credible. Wait, so I didn’t bring home a male puppy, but a male human?
‘No, no way.’
It was so unbelievable that it felt like bubbles were filling up her brain. Thinking about the shock she received that morning from the pervert, she could not just let this go.
“I’m sorry, but you need to leave.”
Ji-On shot up and started collecting all the animal products she received from the animal hospital.
“Leave. I can take care of a male puppy, but I can’t take care of a male human.”
However…! Another situation that shouldn’t have occurred happened. She made eye contact with the adorable Dae-Shik.
His innocent gaze that could beat Puss in Boots’ gaze came into her vision.
‘No, don’t look at me with that gaze!’
This was the most dangerous and deadly gaze! The raging fury in Ji-On’s heart melted away like an ice cream in the summer. Huu, I can’t throw away this puppy. I might be able to throw away a person, but I can’t throw away a puppy.
“Wahhh, what do I do?”
Ji-On fell to the ground and pulled at her hair. This was crazy. She couldn’t keep a man that randomly becomes nude, but she also couldn’t throw out the pitiful puppy.
“Wait, what time is it?”
Her senses suddenly came back and she looked at the clock. Hyiik! She was going to be late for work! Ji-On frantically changed her clothes and got ready for work. What, what do I do with the puppy? I have to leave it home alone. Ah, there’s a lot to do for the puppy. Before leaving Ji-On squatted at the door and talked to Dae-Shik.
“First off, there’s nothing to steal here, so please don’t randomly touch stuff.”
Wait, why am I speaking formally to a dog?
“Dog food is here, and there should be enough water.”
Ji-On pointed to a newspaper spread out in the corner.
“Pee here when you’re a dog and use the bathroom when you’re a human.”
It was the most absurd thing she had ever said. Huu, why am I instructing him where to go restroom?
“Ssp⁴! Don’t bark! I’ll punish you!”
She didn’t know whether to train the puppy or speak formally.
“If perhaps you turn into a human and you gather enough of your senses to find your memory, please feel free to unlock the door and leave.”
“…You can’t continue living in this room with me.”
Ji-On spoke as she left her name card nearby.
“If you need something, call this number.”
Now she really had to leave. She had to leave the dangerously reckless weredog all alone at her house. She felt chills as the cold morning wild blew on her when she walked outside. That bastard seemed very evil when he’s a human; he’s not going to do something to my house, right? She was never wrong when she had bad premonitions. However, a bit later, an even more spine-shivering event occurred.
“Oh? This location…wasn’t it the accident scene?”
There was no trace of the severe car accident that left the Benz deformed. There were no caution signs to indicate of an accident, not a single glass shard, not even a speckle of blood.
“What the heck happened?”
It’s as if nothing happened! Was it that easy to clean up the accident? The lamppost that had crumpled like a bendy-straw yesterday was too normal for that. It was as if yesterday’s happenings occurred in a dream. Then, what is the weredog in my house? What type of male did I pick up?
1) The literal translation is actually “son of a dog”. The author is making a pun. However, the connotation of “bastard” fits the word better. It can be used by teen boys as an endearing name, but of course it is most commonly used to degrade and bully a boy. Sort of like the boy form of bitch.
2) It is a term that came about a few years ago to describe disbelief. It started out as a written sfx in manhwas, but then it became trendy to use in conversations.
3) It means nonsense. This was another dog pun the author made. She was referring to the dog actually barking and talking nonsense.
4) This is the sfx of harshly breathing in through the mouth. Koreans often use the sound to warn and threaten their children or pets to behave.