Quality Check: Kittsune
First Published on Ainushi.
Looking at Xia Mei Wei, I suddenly recalled that she had said something very important to me before I left on the night of the mixer. What was it again? I strained to remember. A thunderclap then struck my head.
Condoms! She told me to remember to use condoms!
My skin suddenly felt cold, and I hurriedly took out the little notebook that I used to record my personal business from my bag. I flipped through the dates, and then counted with my fingers to carefully calculate the math.
I’m still safe! The world hasn’t ended yet! I brought my hand to my chest with relief.
God, I’m so lucky. Those twins never used condoms during sex, and with their abundant vigor and frequency of making love, it’s basically a miracle that I haven’t won the grand prize yet.
However, Xia Mei Wei’s words reminded me about something I ought to be careful about. Even though they haven’t yet forced me to have sex ever since I was hospitalized for my suicide attempt, I knew perfectly well from the burning hunger in their eyes that it wouldn’t stay this way for too long. They weren’t going to let me go, so there was still the danger of pregnancy.
I can’t become pregnant! I refuse to become pregnant in an ambiguous relationship like this because I won’t know the father of the child!
I decided I would clarify this situation with the twins after I go back. I’ll tell them that if they make me pregnant, I’ll use whatever means possible to abort the baby.
In the evening, we returned to the Zhao residence. I lazily laid down on the sofa, and single-mindedly watched my favorite cartoon TV show that was airing. Zhao Yi Bo sat beside me next to my head, using his laptop to look up the performance of today’s stock market while he simultaneously fed me sliced pieces of fresh fruit. Zhao Yi Xuan sat beside my legs as he perused several reports sent by the Zhao family business and gently massaged my calves.
“Let’s have Doctor Xu come tomorrow for a visit.” Taking advantage of a commercial break, I nonchalantly brought up the topic that had been stewing inside me.
The twins put down the work that they were in the middle of, looking at me with concern and doubt. “Do you feel sick anywhere?”
“Nope.” I kept my eyes glued straight ahead at the extremely big television screen in front of me while I premeditated in my head how they would respond to what I had to say. “I was thinking of having him prescribe an oral contraceptive for me.”
After thinking over this for an entire afternoon, I decided it would be better to take contraceptive pills instead of depending on condoms. The initiative and responsibility of using condoms depended on the twins, and with their rash and headstrong personality, I wasn’t confident that they would take proper measures for safe sex every time, so it was safer if I took the initiative myself.
Even though every ordinary pharmacy sold contraceptive pills, I couldn’t buy them by myself. The first reason was that I simply didn’t have any money. Ever since I tried to run away, they’ve strictly controlled my ability to spend money. Even though I have everything I need, the cash that I have on my person never exceeded 100 yuan . Second, I was embarrassed about buying contraceptives. Even though I had already done it with them so many times, and it wasn’t a big deal for women to buy contraceptives in today’s society in either case, I still felt self-conscious about it. Third, since I lived in the same room as them, it was simply impossible for me to hide the fact I was taking medicine in the first place.
So rather than trying to hide it to avoid getting caught by them later and getting into a lot of drama, it would be better to tell them everything from the beginning.
“We haven’t slept together with you these past few days.” They stared rigidly at me with a mysterious expression on their faces.
“Can you guarantee that you’ll never sleep with me again?” I only wanted to take precautions for myself, and I certainly didn’t want to invite them into my bed.
“You don’t want to have our child?” The tone of their voices increasingly seemed to be laced with danger.
“Don’t you think this is a very poor time for me to get pregnant? I’m still in the middle of pursuing my studies.” I gracefully gave a sophisticated answer without skipping a beat.
This was just one of the side reasons. However, truthfully, my main reason was because I didn’t want to be pregnant with a child from either of them. In our relationship, I had always been forced by them. Although I was afraid of their threats in the beginning and didn’t resist their manipulation of me in the slightest, this didn’t mean that I was actually willing when I obeyed them. Even right now, I’m still unwilling.
I didn’t tell them this important point. I knew that if I went out and flatly told them, they would definitely get angry. Then, there’d probably be a violent standoff between us. However, I didn’t want to be hurt any more. I wanted to take care of myself properly, and I knew that fighting with them was one hundred percent stupid.
They didn’t say anything. They only stared straight at me, as if trying to evaluate whether my words were trustworthy. After what seemed like forever, they finally appeared to believe me, and their attention once again returned to the work on their hands.
“You won’t become pregnant.” Zhao Yi Bo said flatly.
“Why? Could it be that you two are infertile?!” I sat up straight in surprise, and my gaze flicked back and forth between the two of them.
Immediately, two extremely grave glares were cast onto my body.
“We. Are. Not. Infertile!” Zhao Yi Bo clenched his teeth as he enunciated each word.
“Then how do you know that I won’t become pregnant? Wait, am I infertile?” How did I not even know this? When did I even get tested for this?
“You’re not infertile either!” Zhao Yi Bo tried to hold back his anger through clenched teeth, and responded to my ridiculous question.
“Haven’t you taken Sex Education? If two fertile men and women have intercourse together, there’s always the possibility of pregnancy. Don’t you know?” I laid back down on the sofa and said this with disdain.
“You won’t become pregnant! It’s because we’ve never shot semen into your womb. Unless you’re Virgin Mary, you definitely won’t become pregnant.” When Zhao Yi Bo finished saying this, he shut his laptop forcefully and stood up to go upstairs. Zhao Yi Xuan also unhappily put away the documents that he hadn’t finished dealing with and followed Zhao Yi Bo’s footsteps upstairs.
“Wait, don’t go! Please tell Doctor Xu to prescribe a contraceptive for me. If not, I’ll buy it myself,” I shouted at their backs. While it does sound like they’ve never ejaculated inside me before in the past, what about the future? Could they guarantee they’d be able to ejaculate outside every time in the midst of their passion? What if the blood got to their heads and they forgot one time? I didn’t trust their self-control one bit.
“I won’t let Doctor Xu prescribe any contraceptive pills for you! You don’t have the money to buy them either! Besides, until you’re willing to become pregnant yourself, we absolutely will not make you pregnant. Contraceptives will only bring harm to your body, and we don’t want you to regret taking them one day.” Zhao Yi Bo gloomily looked back at me and spoke. After he finished, he went together with Zhao Yi Xuan up the stairs without turning back once.
I stared stupidly as I watched their figures disappear around the corner of the staircase, not knowing how to react. They were willing to endure the rush of the moment and pull out at the last moment, just because they were afraid of the harmful effects that oral contraceptives would have on me? Was this their way of loving me?
Why did they have to show such attentive consideration in the middle of their cruel actions? Why were they making me hate them and at the same time, making my heart throb?
What should I do? How should I move forward in the future?
There’s so much wrong here (medically) that I’m sorry, I can’t help but correct it on the spot. >.< First of all, oral contraceptive pills (OCP) are a generally safe form of contraception, and don’t let the twins make you think otherwise! While it’s true there are some populations where pills are not as great for (e.g. smokers, obese people), please discuss this with your doctor! OCPs have been on the market for close to seventy years, and there’s been extensive clinical research done on their effects and side effects.
One thing I will say is that typical condom use has failure rate of ~15% (this is typical use, not perfect use, mind you!). Many women take the “morning-after pill” in various emergency situations such as a broken/slipped condoms, but frequently taking emergency contraceptives is both expensive and not good for your health. You are much better off taking low dose preventative OCPs all year on a daily basis than exposing yourself high-dose emergency contraceptives on the occasion your main contraction method fails.
Or better yet, consider getting an IUD. Although they’re exactly not popular, they are extremely effective and the best form of contraception we currently have. In either case, it’s important to practice safe sex, and remember that regardless of what kind of contraception you have, condoms are the only way to protect yourself from STIs!
 100 yuan — about $15 USD [back]