Translator : Hasr11

Editor : Cat


The Mail The Foreign Student Sent Is Strange!

A month had passed since the always energetic foreign student John, had returned to America from Japan. Due to the naturally high excitement [1], the popular John decided to write a mail to his best friend in Japan, Masaki.

John in the mail, wrote excitedly about 「Feeling Homesick of the Life in Japan and Things I Wish For」, mixing in jokes.

#####

Dear Masaki

From John

It’s been a long time, Masaki!

Are you doing well?
Or did you become a well? [2]I’m doing fine!
Ahh! Even though it’s only been a month, it can’t be helped that I feel homesick of my life in Japan!
Everything about life in Japan was fresh for me.
First, seeing only Japanese vehicles running.
And then seeing only Japanese people on the streets.
And finally everyone was speaking in Japanese!
I was really shocked, you see. I thought it’s almost like Japan! HAHAHA!
I still feel nostalgic about the miso soup [3] Yamada-san made before the homestay, and the beef bowl [4] with tempura and curry! [5] I wanna eat it again!
The festival [6] that we all went to together is a great memory for me even now.
The goldfish-scooping, along with the cotton candy and shaved ice [7].
The booths all lined up, people crowding, and the fireworks blooming at the sound of the drums.
Yeah, it’s something that makes me feel excited even while remembering it now!

Another thing I remember when you say Japan, are certainly the crowded trains. I guess I’m addicted to that cramped feeling! I wonder why, I ended up being groped even though I’m a man!
Oh, yes, Masaki. Did you get that thing I’d told you about?
Hey, that. The theme song CD of 「Magical Girl Pentomper」!
My whole body ends up breaking into a dance just by listening to that tune!
Especially that hook [8] is great!
「Hoppin Hoppin Purin Purin! Hoppin Hoppin Purin Purin!」
My body started hopping just by writing it.
If we meet this time Masaki, let’s dance together!
Ah, but keep the fact that I’m a Pentomper Otaku a secret from everyone in Japan!
Because I’ll be thought of as a pervert!
And it’s Masaki’s turn to come to America this time!
Because I’m waiting here!

John

#####

On the other hand, at the same time, the Nubedovian Ralrun, entrusted by the Earth Invasion In-Charge, a mail with the contents 『We Must Carry Out An Attack in Order for the Earth Invasion』to his superior, General Buglatt. But, call it fate or a prank, due to a computer virus, the essay Ralrun wrote and the foreign student John’s mail got mixed together.

Due to that, the mail from John that reached Masaki because somewhat peculiar.

***

★In Japan

Masaki : 「Oh, a mail came from John. We’re talking about him, so there’s bound to be a few jokes mixed in.」

#####

To, The rude and incompetent homo bastard

《He suddenly sent it flying!》

From, the Earth.

《THE EARTH!? [9]

It’s been a long time, Masaki!

《Rather, hasn’t it only been a month?》

Are you committing genocide on the inferior humans well?

《Is Earth-san angry or what!? [10]

Or did you become a well?

《The way to shake off the options is too intense!》

I’m doing fine!

《It’s good being fine, but you’re acting too dangerous ……》

Ahh! Even though it’s only been a month, it can’t be helped that I feel homesick of my life in Planet Nubedov!

《Huh? What about Japan!?》

Everything about life in Japan was fresh for me.

《Ah, he returned to talking about Japan.》

First, seeing only Japanese vehicles running.

《Well, it’s Japan after all.》

And then seeing only Japanese people on the streets.

《That’s ‘cause it’s Japan.》

And why the fuck does everyone speak Japanese?

《What did you suddenly snap for!?》

I was really shocked, you see. I thought it’s almost like Planet Nubedov!

《What the heck is Planet Nubedov!?》

I want to grill Yamada-san from the place of the homestay right away. HAHAHA!

《Is this something to say while laughing!?》

And I want to grill to ashes the beef bowl with tempura and curry.

《They’re already grilled though!》

I wanna grill again!

《Are you an Ifrit [11] or what!?》

Why the heck is the festival that we all went to together is a great memory even now?

《I don’t know!》

The goldfish-scooping, along with the cotton candy and shaved ice.

《Well, they’re regular fare at festivals.》

The homos all lined up, homos crowding, and the homo blooming at the sound of the drums.

《There’s nothing but homo!》

Yeah, its homo that makes me feel excited even while remembering it now!

《Oi, watch your words!》

Another thing I remember when you say Japan, are certainly the crowded trains.

《……I have a bad feeling about this.》

I guess I’m addicted to that cramped feeling!

《Ehh……》

Even though I’m a homo, I’m not a homo.

《Which one are you then!?》

Oh, yes, Masaki. Did you get that thing I’d told you about? Hey, that, you homo.

《I’m not a homo!》

The theme song CD of 「Magical Girl Pentomper」!

《Ahh. The first time limited edition has an added premium, but I somehow managed to get my hands onto it.》

I feel like I’ll end up committing genocide just by listening to that tune!

《It’s not such a dangerous song!》

Especially that hook is great!

《That weird Hoppin hoppin mumbo jumbo part, right.》

Neck.

《That’s short!!!》

My neck started hopping just by writing it.

《Just the neck!?》

If we meet this time Masaki, let’s dance together!

《No, It’ll turn something like a bad wake [12]!》

Ah, but keep the fact that I’m a human a secret from everyone in japan!

《Everyone knows it!》

Hook Hook Pervert Buglatt!

《What kind of an Incantation is that!》

And it’s Masaki’s turn to grill Yamada-san to ashes this time!

《I don’t wanna!》

Because I’m waiting in the fictional galaxy!

《Where in the world is that!》

John’s Neck.

《Where’s the rest of your body!?》

#####

After that, Masaki, who confirmed the fact that the rest of his body was safe and sound on the phone, thought that John had taken the jokes too far, and soon forgot about this matter.

The End.


T/N –

1. It says tension (in katakana), it’s more of a wasei-eigo , i.e. a loan word from English that has a different meaning in Japanese it’s supposed mean a hyper excited person.

2. Attack of the Japanese Homophones! The sentence above asked 元気にしてるかい!(genki ni shiteru kai!) . While this sentence asked それとも貝になったかい!(soretomo kai ni natta kai!). As you can see, both are kai, but have a different meaning. 貝 means clam or a shellfish whereas かい is simply the Japanese way of colloquially asking a question. It’s a lame joke that’s supposed to be punny. It won’t translate well in English, so I used what I think would be best.
TL;DR Something untranslatable.

3. Miso soup is a traditional Japanese soup consisting of a stock called “dashi” into which softened miso paste is mixed.34FBDE4B-C584-43CD-9841-96B7ED549D64.jpeg

4. Gyūdon, literally beef bowl, is a Japanese dish consisting of a bowl of rice topped with beef and onion simmered in a mildly sweet sauce flavored with dashi, soy sauce and mirin.
Curry is basically a sauce.
616F1DF3-4956-4DB5-BE2F-51C84380B4ACBeef bowl with curry.

5.Tempura is a Japanese dish of battered and deep-fried vegetables and seafood.
413AC6A2-9DEC-4952-A922-5CEB235A7B73.jpeg

6. Matsuri (祭) is the Japanese word for a festival or holiday. Almost every locale has at least one matsuri in late summer/early autumn, usually related to the rice harvest.9204C75B-7088-4964-BC37-AF07928E087A.jpeg

7. Goldfish scooping is a traditional Japanese game in which a player scoops goldfish with a special scooper.
1FE46C45-40C6-43D7-A681-640E8EA58D14.jpeg

8. A hook is a musical idea, often a short riff, passage, or phrase, that is used in popular music to make a song appealing and to “catch the ear of the listener”.

9. Originally in Katakana in the raws (ジ・アース).

10. Yes, the raw says Earth-san

11. Ifrit, efreet, efrite, ifreet, afreet, afrite and afrit are supernatural creatures in some Middle Eastern stories.
2F35D70B-F614-40E5-846F-77D7E13DBBC0.jpeg

12. A wake is a watch or vigil held beside the body of someone who has died, sometimes accompanied by ritual observances.

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